So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
