Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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