ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I think your dad took our porno
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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