is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
