If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
