I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
