The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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