How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
