I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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