Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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