why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
