So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
