Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
