I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
