some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
