I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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