No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
