You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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