I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
