She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
