Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
