Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
