drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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