They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
