I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
