You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
