We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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