More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
