Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
