ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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