The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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