2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize