Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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