just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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