My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
