i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
