if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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