i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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