I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize