Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
two words...techno handjob
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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