just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
