I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
