i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You took a bar mat shot.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
