SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
