you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize