i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
