I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
