she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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