we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
