found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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