I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
