are you still at the devil's house?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
