he shaved USA in his pubs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
