I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
