the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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