I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
