Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
