he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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