The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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