somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
false alarm, still single
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
