Please, let me fuck your mom
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
