she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
