i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
