How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize