too bad you live with your parents still
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
