Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
