would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
