Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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