Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
